Compassion | Tibetan Buddhist Altar

How to Deal With Hate

January 25, 2011 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:

I’ve been asked by a young follower what to do about anger and hate. First, forgive yourself, as you are a young lady, and growing up is in truth a time of wild emotions, a time of exploring them. Hormones fly around, and we are not so able to control either one. However, start now to learn about emotions.

Even if someone is mean to you think about this: all sentient beings wish to be happy. Even if they act out, they are trying to make themselves happy by being negative. They don’t understand how to be happy so they try abusive behavior to feel powerful.

Now think about this: All beings want to be happy but they are mostly suffering with a few bright spots here and there. When people suffer they often strike out at others. But really, they are unhappy and insecure. Perhaps their parents didn’t teach them courtesy and ethics. Maybe something awful has happened to them and they take it out on others. But always they are insecure, and maybe jealous of you. Even adults can act out violently when they are insecure and jealous. So the first step is to understand they are suffering, want to be happy, and don’t know how.

It never helps to be nasty back. It is bad for you and them, and makes things worse. Instead, apply an antidote. If they say cruel things, pray for them to be happy (and leave you alone!) Don’t take their hate personally. They are very unhappy and need help. You must be as kind as possible even when they are horrible.

Remember they are basically the same as you. You also want to be happy and bravely asked how! You are moving forward and they are stuck in hate still. So think, “I am so blessed to know what to do.” Then think, “the haters do not know what to do.”

When you understand that, you can have some compassion for them. You can see you have grown up quite a bit by praying for your enemies. They have not come as far as you on the path, so you have compassion. You are developing the virtue of human kindness by tolerating with understanding why they do as they do. So it is important not to react to hate. Let it be as it is. You aren’t doing the hating anymore.

Whatever happens is their problem not yours. When they hurt you, let it run off you like water off a duck’s back. Be the good, mature, kind young lady like you know you can be! In the end it doesn’t matter what they do, it matters what you do! Your job now is to build compassion and character as you grow. If you do, you will naturally draw to yourself good friends, and people of quality!

You are seeing the face of suffering, and their opinions are worthless. Suffering drives them. Let loving kindness drive you to happiness!

Renunciation and Compassion

January 23, 2011 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:

Two years before the parinirvana, Kyabje His Holiness Penor Rinpoche, my Guru told me he was no longer useful to sentient beings, that he would go. Shocked to my core I begged “please Holiness, we need you. We are not ready. Palyul is not ready; and you are our Father.” The heart sons came, and I know they must have begged also. To a living Buddha like His Holiness Penor Rinpoche, there is no reason to live if not liberating beings.

Actually I feel the same way. When I know my work is done, my usefulness is over, I too will want to go, and return swiftly to benefit sentient beings again. So it is with the way of the Bodhisattva. There is no attachment to the world per se. The world is beautiful, but also temporary, filled with cruelty and selfishness. Unkind. So it is like a costume party gone very wrong. There is no point in staying. The music stops, the balloons deflate, the food turns, there is nothing left, nothing but the dancing dead, dreaming. Renunciation is seeing this clearly and losing affection for the narcotic quality of samsara. Just that – seeing through the hallucination.

When the view is understood we recognize the empty nature of all phenomena, and of all beings. Each being, while lost in this dream, has within them the seed of Buddhahood. We have the seed, but have not awakened. So it is still a seed. When anyone tells you we are inherently awakened, they are deluded or fooling themselves. We have the seed but it is dormant. We have to grow it, ripen and mature it. When you see a worm on the ground, can you point at it and say “awaken! Now! Do it! It’s simple! No effort, all magic!” No, and you will look like a lunatic as well. The worm is, however equal in nature to every Buddha. The difference? The worm is still asleep, ignorant. No recognition. No ripening. No method no path. Someday, the worm in a different form will meet someone who has a connection to Dharma and will lead the way. Then Wormie will find the Guru and the path; method. And hopefully at that time will be in a form with a full array of faculties and the inclination to practice. There is no instant “Aha!” in recognition. In Dharma it is step by step, practice and accomplishment. For now, we must pray for them – the wormies. We must have the kindness to help them on their way…

We spend so much time in pride and arrogance pretending to be Guru or convincing others we are so accomplished. How does that help? It doesn’t. We need to awaken, feed the hungry, benefit beings. Then we have the power and heart to lay down the ego trip, stop explaining how enlightened and great we are, and show the great concern of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas for all beings of all shapes, colors, species – all. It is this great compassion, this awakened Bodhicitta that is the difference between wormies and Buddhas. Secretly there is no difference. It is the outer relative reality that is different. But wormie is still a worm; and we the elders of his great “cosmic” family. They are our children, brothers, sisters. Just as we walk the path we must do so by bringing every being with us.

Pith Advice – Learning to Discern

January 13, 2011 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:

If someone tells you they are never wrong it usually means they usually are.

If someone tells you this is exactly how they meant things to turn out it usually means they are clueless about a lot!

If we boast a lot about our dharma practice we should remember the best practice is alone, and silent.

If a practitioner tells you their mind is completely pure, and says they abide in emptiness and light, ask them kindly to turn down the volume!

If a Dharma practitioner does nothing to benefit all sentient beings they are walking on one leg. Dharma is Wisdom and Compassion!

Put your energy into gathering not the goods of the world. Gather the gifts of Wisdom, Compassion and virtue. Only these have value.

If someone harms you and you become afraid, work with it. If you allow the fear you have allowed the suffering: they win!

We are equal in need, equal in nature, equal in love and loss. Therefore we should learn to have empathy and kindness.

We are equal in fault, equal in sorrow, equal in longing and sickness, and death. Therefore we should have empathy, and LOVE.

The great being atones for the suffering of others no matter the cause. A middling being atones for their own. A lesser being accepts no burden.

A great being cares for all beings equally. A middling being cares for family and friends, mostly. A lesser one cares for no one but self.

Paradox: a great being does not differentiate between high and low, having view. A middling being sorts out those differences. A small being uses all this to get what they want.

A lesser being walks the earth. A middling being examines the world. A great being takes wing and flies! The sky is for dancing.

Here in this land we must learn to empathize, to care, to love, to minister to each other, to feed, to heal; and most of all to fly!

Here on Earth we must learn and study our equality. To be without prejudice, to know each other’s suffering, to cherish culture and be color blind in spirit!

May the dirt on their feet be the crown on my head; may their suffering be only mine. May I wipe their eyes, and fill their hearts with LOVE.

Roar Against Suffering

January 2, 2011 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:

I do not understand cruelty, such as the murder of wonderful loving pets simply because no effort is put into adoption. It drives me nuts! Even people who have “anipals” and know what they truly are often care only about their own. I understand it is a learning curve to care for all beings. But the complacency is a sickness. Complacency is a death sentence for those weaker than us. It is a display of self cherishing.

We simply cannot put others before ourselves. I see it in my own Sangha. An innate selfishness that is evidently very difficult to overcome. We tend to use Dharma activity to boost our self-cherishing to a set of rules that start with “I can’t. Love to help but can’t” the great excuse. Anyone can convince themselves that they “can’t” because it is inconvenient to care for others. As Buddhists we have our armfuls of books, texts, big words we memorize, an intellectual materialistic grasping. But what is in the heart is what is truly important. We spout Buddhism and its exotic phrases. But the heart is as cold as ice. No Bodhicitta, concern for others, no love; we sit on our cushions and pretend we are great enlightened beings. But what kindness do we ever show suffering beings?

“I can’t” – our great gift to the world. This is the heart of what must change as it comes to the west. We don’t need regurgitated words! My parrot does that! What is needed is Dharma taken to the streets to bring benefit in this life. This moment. This opportunity. This is all ordinary reality, yes. But this is where beings are hungry! Beaten and abused! Alone with no hope! Lost in addiction! Cold and homeless… How can we do the intellectual ivory tower thing when so many sentient beings have Nothing? Simple, we ignore them, watch sitcoms and reality TV and forget. Live in our heads while we let our hearts and compassion to wither away until we die. I say, since we are here, and not someplace else, here is where we must help.

There are two main kinds of kindness; ordinary, of the world, which can be contrived from ordinary things. This is a necessity, to heal pain such as feeding and clothing the poor. Then we must practice deeply in Dharma so that we may teach them to help their own suffering. The difference is like giving a loaf of bread to a hungry person. Good, thank you. The more ultimate second view is to teach how to grow grain and how to make bread. Both are necessary – ordinary and extraordinary kindness.

We spend way too much time in our heads hanging out with talk and no time paying forward the kindness we ourselves may have known. We could all decide now to make the planet and her people better, stronger and freer of suffering. If we can stop puffing up our egos long enough, it is possible to live a life of service and joy. All beings, whether human or animal or any life-form, deserve our respect, our concern, our help and our love.

So open the door of the heart and let the fountain flow. ROAR AGAINST SUFFERING! What do we wait for? To be reborn with a better deal? This is the moment! These are the lives we must bring benefit to! Start NOW! There is no other time but the present moment of manifestation! Jump in! We need you.

Cultivating Awareness

December 8, 2011December 26, 2010 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

From a series of Tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo:

Did you know that there is a fundamental difference between Vajrayana Buddhism and other faiths? All faiths improve our life, our minds and hearts, and give us structure and aspiration, hope. Buddhism has all that in common. The difference is that Vajrayana Buddhism does not recognize self-nature to be inherently real. In relative view we perceive self as solid through the five senses which also are empty, yet are themselves perceived as real and solid. The entire reason we compile our lives as seemingly solid is that once we fall prey to the concept of duality – self and other – both of which are dream-like, we simply cannot see the great expanse of truth.

Conceiving self and other as real sets us up to react to what is perceived as outside this supposed “self.” We always react with hope, fear, or indifference. Like I hope you will love me. I fear you will abandon me. I hope there is food and money. And fear it will not be enough. I hope you will not harm me – I fear you will. Indifference is involved when both views have been applied and neither does. I hope there is something coming from you but I see nothing will – therefore I am indifferent to you. In fact most people and things that do not excite our hope or fear usually are not even on our radar. Our five gross senses are meant to recognize what seems to be “other” and to measure and assess that. So you see – this whole perceptual event occurs instantly, before we even realize it has. So our entire awareness is based on that, meant to perform in a certain way. That is the only means to sense at that level.

In meditation we close out the gross senses and give rise to those awarenesses which are far more subtle and intuitive – quite gossamer, in fact. Much more spacious and formless themselves, this subtle awareness is what is needed to fully recognize the primordial ground of being, and the spacious empty luminosity that is our true face, the same taste as Buddhahood.

One must meditate to dispel the illusions of separateness and solidity. And we enhance the more subtle (and true) view that is the essence of true discernment and the precious awakening called enlightenment. It takes time! As we begin to awaken we develop compassion as we are not separate and no different on the relative level as all sentient beings struggle to be happy, while being unaware of their true nature.

I am asked- if we are empty of self nature, then who gave birth? Had that heart attack? Who says “ouch” when pinched? And what is it that reincarnates?

In Buddhism we see no self. What happens is rebirth. Buddha said we are cycling through death and re-birth and suffering because of desire. So true! Not a separate entity, but the thread of desire and other habitual tendencies rise up as our mindstream and continue on. We, then, with the five (made for this) senses believing in separation consciousness then measure, contrive and support it. Then once again we believe that we and all phenomena are all entirely solid and real. It is sort of real in that we react. Ouch! Yet not real in that there is no pinch no pincher, no pinchee, no hand, no no-hand, no pain, no no-pain, no self, no sorrow and no one to gain from self cherishing. And all of this is dream-like and without substance; no here, no there, no hate, no love, no one to hate or love. Yet our nature is love itself, BODHICITTA!

How Will You Live Your Life?

December 22, 2010 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo (@jalpalyul), December 22, 2010

I am always so disappointed when I see a long time practitioner who toots his own version of accomplishment when clearly there is none, or puts him/her self up on a throne that they do not belong on. It is not the ego that is recognized and enthroned, it is Wisdom and compassion that are meant to be properly enthroned; and it is to benefit the Dharma and the people. Not to puff up bloated egos. That happens naturally in samsara. One practices to pacify the ego, not to enhance it. If you must waste time and merit pumping it up then you are lost, utterly lost and must turn right around and go back to preliminary stage and purify. Of course if the ego is too bloated that will not happen.

Many would rather take it to their grave than work the path truly. That is not Dharma, that’s false pride. False pride is a mind and heart killer. One cannot think clearly about one’s path or history, can only stroke and fondle that sick ego. It hurts when other people do not agree, and must get into 1) self pity and whining, or 2) aggression to put the disagreed person down. Or make them look bad, even if it requires lying, hating, violence, et al. – whatever it takes to avoid any and all responsibility for one’s character. That is the coward’s way. It shows weakness, not intellectual strength.

Truth and virtue are arranged like a platter of cookies. Pick some! The red sugar cookie? The green? Take what you like and go home and gobble them down. Have you been to a feast? No, you have been to a party where you and only you are the entertainment and the joke! Those of us who practice Dharma deeply and with great respect and love can spot you in a New York minute. And grieve. Those that practice to be big, tough and cool, to get adulation will never have it. Like planning a funeral party rather than finishing and accomplishing every prerequisite for death and being ready and completely unafraid. To be prepared for death is honorable and dignified. That is vajra pride! Also one should practice both the yidam and Phow’a extensively. Anything else is foolish and shows one’s ignorance and lack of accomplishment. To spend the last times bragging about qualities one does not have is a waste of perfectly good life.

Did you love? Did you give, rather than steal? Did you change for the better? Is the world better for your life? Or are you a user? Are you the wizard behind the curtain being mighty and ridiculous? Or are you a human being- loving, being loved, giving hope and healing to others? We talk, us baby boomers, as though our environment is the trouble. Not. We were born to the trouble, it is our Karma. To ignore that is to be a fool in a world cursed by and filled to the brim with fools. If you want to be stand up and real; give, love, heal, turn around and start again.

At any time, if there is five minutes left in life, love, gather virtue and care- not just your circle of family and friends that agree with you, but all sentient beings, every one. We will all die, be sick, suffer… Be a brave and pure beacon… show us how it’s done. We need that.

We do not need your scorn or your judgment! There is plenty of that from ordinary sentient beings.

© Jetsunma Ahkön Lhamo

How Does One Learn to Forgive?

November 26, 2011December 22, 2010 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

From a series of tweets by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo (@jalpalyul), December 17, 2010

How does one learn to forgive and do it with grace? It isn’t for cowards. Forgiveness is hard work. Some folks are seemingly incapable, but I think the issue is they are afraid to try. It takes character, courage and an understanding of one’s own emotions. One must dig deep within and find strength, maybe the kind you never knew you had.

First, one must examine the “condition” of the “enemy” to see why they act as they do. Perhaps there has been disappointment, jealousy, or rage in the present moment and from the past. One’s “enemy” is likely acting out their suffering. Often they project that on you, but allow yourself to let that go. One should only accept the person’s actions against oneself as justified if it is actually so.

Sometimes we blame ourselves for another’s hurtful behavior. That is not helpful, so some “inner work” must be done. That is the scary part. To look within with self-honesty is hard. Examine the motivation. Do we forgive to get something back? Do we hope the “enemy” will change? Some people simply do not have the skill or the will to do so. One should consider that it’s the right thing to do. It grants freedom to the angry one and to the “enemy.” The “enemy” is now free to do as they wish. Hate will never overcome compassion; nothing is as strong as Bodhicitta- Love.

One has nothing to fear from the generous act of forgiveness! It is quite healing, and it sure does build character. Like I said, it is hard work. And then one is free from the awful burden of neurotic circular thinking. When one has that issue, one simply cannot let go. It becomes an ugly illness that affects one’s whole life. With rage running the show, then comes obsessive behavior. One literally can think of nothing else. The stress of being that way will destroy one’s health due to hormones and chemistry completely out of control. And then the rest of one’s life is conditioned by that. At that point maybe medical help is needed, or the wisdom of a friend with clarity to talk to, counseling, or perhaps a retreat where one can examine those sick feelings. There are books that may help, and there is help online. Today there are many ways. One excellent method is to meditate and pray for help and contemplate the situation.

Usually an “enemy” is just looking for power and feels powerless. Or they are trying to be happy and simply do not know how to be happy. They are lost and need our compassion, as they cannot help themselves at all.

One may even need to study aberrant behavior to understand the activity of the foe. Any effort needed is so useful, as forgiveness is liberating, and healing. One can walk away a new and far better person – stronger, kinder, happier, and at peace. The freedom to let it go! Get on with your life, rather than your “enemy.” When that is accomplished, the enemy is an enemy no more. And just look at the gift you have given yourself! Liberation from a trap that hurts so much, and eventually kills. You don’t want a hard, selfish heart. It will turn out you will suffer.

I would like to recommend as a start that you follow @RCInstitute on twitter; Ruthless Compassion Institute. Please read Dr. Marcia’s blog for some good advice and help. I admire her. She is a very wise and lovely person. There is so much help; one has no excuse for remaining ill, and helpless. Go for it! It is love, Dharma!

Why Do People Lie?

December 19, 2010 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

Why do people lie, and what is the result? People lie because they are insecure, and their intention is at best to buoy themselves up or to pull others down. Often they feel they are unsuccessful, or haven’t had enough love, praise, etc. They feel the only way to break through is to break others down. In the end no one wins, least of all the liar. The liar gets the bad karma, the victim just gets hurt. What’s the point? There is no use.

Once a liar starts the lie, there is small chance that they will be able to turn it around. When one’s life, then becomes a web of lies it will occur not only now in this life, but the habit remains until it is purified. The work will remain to do until it is complete. Lies are wrong speech, meant to do harm and benefit only oneself. A liar can never be trusted until they purify.

Of course the bottom line is intention and compassion. If one lies continually there is no compassion. The intention is to harm others and distort or destroy truth. Lies can be debilitating. One develops a habit they cannot break and it eventually destroys them, ruins life after life and all wholesome happiness. A liar does not have Bodhicitta. They cannot attain enlightenment until the very habit is cleaned up.

The saddest thing about lying is that one eventually believes their own con, and then lifelong confusion results, a broken personality that lives in their own glass house, locked in a sea of relentless sickness. The more they lie the sicker they get. All to boost ego!!!

The jail house of their own making is all-pervasive. There is no love, no freedom, no comfort or happiness because the liar has only lied. That terrible weight will be theirs to bear alone. But there are no winners. That is because a seed rotten to the core cannot grow good fruit. And because we are all one in nature, everyone gets hurt. What a ridiculous way to live this short life. How senseless to live in one’s own lies. Like a baby condemned to live in its filthy diaper, no hope for change, and the pain never ends. So unnecessary when we have such great capacity! I choose love, life, a wholesome mind, pure speech, forgiveness and peace! And I wish you all the same.

Liars lie – let it go!

Roar of the Dakini

November 26, 2011December 16, 2010 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

It is not for ordinary sentient beings to alter Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhism. It has been in this country, USA, only a short while. To decry the gifts of our great founding Lamas, Tulkus, also called Nirmanakaya Buddhas, these are jewels to gradually assimilate and practice, not to destroy with arrogance and pride. We may end up seeing some things differently here. But it should be gently and with loving concern.

Some people suggest we should destroy all Tulkus. And, naturally the woman who doesn’t play patriarchy goes first. If we have just ordinary people teaching, even from texts, is like the blind leading the blind. One can see easily that these folks have no profound wisdom, being so rude, hurtful and stuffed with pride. If sincere people follow ordinary people with no particular good qualities they will end up the same as them. These ordinary people claim supreme Enlightenment just because they believe it in a deluded way. If these people lead Vajrayana it is finished. They have no wisdom, do not know the pith instructions, and cannot give empowerment from a stainless source. Then we have nothing but a Tibetan flavored new age composite. Completely worthless. Some westerners don’t even do sadhana, or bother with empowerment. They just make up their own. Like a coloring book and crayons. Draw Superman and you can be him! No, really! Write it with the purple crayon so you can be on the purple ray!! Write “I AM THE SHYT! I am a Guru!” Then hand it in to your actual teacher and she/he may write “very creative!” Yet it is not correct.

Maybe someday there will be realization, when the pride is overcome, the arrogance, and maybe when the Bodhicitta is developed. No, it does not appear naturally without effort. You can’t do a little dance and Viola’ there it is. One must practice every day! Effort is essential. Intention must also be pure. Not to destroy, but to heal. I know of someone who says he/she has practiced for 30yrs and feels they don’t need any more but when you see them you know different. You see the hate, whining, selfishness and self absorption right away. No kindness. If we accept this as American Tibetan (?) Buddhism it is Kaliyuga for sure. The end. I have practiced and studied with great Masters for 30yrs also, and still do because of the intention to benefit beings, to dedicate the merit, and because I have faith and the wish to see all beings free of suffering. Until the bloated ego is pacified it is not truly possible to liberate and benefit beings. I am properly recognized, properly enthroned, and fully capable of teaching and helping sentient beings. But western wannabees crucify me every day. They will not stop this woman. And I will continue to keep my Lineage, and all Nyingmapa, the ancient ones sacred. I will protect my own and all beings.

And, yes this is the work if a woman! I will not crumble. And I am terribly sad for those who cannot see that wisdom. Yes, I am woman, watch me roar!!! Deal with it or not – your choice.

OM MANI PEDME HUNG! OM BENZAR SATO HUNG!

Warrior of Compassion

December 6, 2010 by Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo

To hate is irresponsible. Not only does it taint one’s own mind, but harms all others who touch it. It is unethical, as it poisons our world. I resent hate on twitter, not just the idiotic stuff thrown at me, but in general too. I have great hopes for twitter to exchange info and bring the world closer together, like a world community. Tweeters often offer love and support to each other, care.

Other types only want to rabble-rouse and stir up the war consciousness in everyone. Mostly failures in life, they feel better when they make their victims hurt. My sense is that they do not understand people who build their lives with skill and care. Their hatred of other’s success is due to feelings of inadequacy driving them. Not understanding the mechanics of a wholesome life, peaceful life, they hate those that do. And blame others for their difficulties. Actually, it is their own attitude and reaction that harms them. I say it over and over. Your Karma and mind are yours alone!

Therefore it must be oneself that manages and minds one’s own non virtue. Oddly enough, these are just the people who project their hate onto others. Example: a person commits a crime and goes to jail. Then commits more crime while on parole and blames the person who caught him red-handed. A narcissistic criminal with sociopath mindset will blame the person who caught them. Never seeing that the problem was the crime itself, and therefore their own chosen lifestyle. The bible tells us that to live by the sword is to die by the sword. True.

Buddhists call it karma, cause and effect. The same principle, I think in that we must take responsibility for the harm we cause others. If the criminal ends up being punished (say-like-Prison) that isn’t harming. If the criminal does the crime, that is the result. And they have created the cause. Though a deluded person may think they are right they still have committed a crime. And beings are harmed.

The amazing thing about Buddha Dharma is that there is always a way to confess, purify, and “go right” according to the methods of the eight-fold path. Correcting course and following what the Buddha taught, similar to 10 commandments, there is a body of material in ethics according to the Buddhist traditions. And since it is the bones of the body of Dharma it prevails through all its forms. In truth it is the ethical, warm-hearted and generous heart that provides the happiness, joy and stability on the path. Through meditation as well, we find peace and sweet relief!

Conversely when the me me – me mantra is in the driver seat, and the ego is immensely puffed up there is never any satisfaction or lasting happiness. The body then reflects the qualities of mind, and all is lost.

If you want to fight a war, the only one worth fighting is the insightful one against one’s own poisons. In the way the Buddhas see, it is not even truly possible to fight an external enemy. The enemy is war, our own soldiers are our own root poisons. And the true enemy is within, our own egos, and habitual tendencies. Therefore fight your own war, pacify hatred greed and ignorance, enjoy the happiness it brings, and live to bring benefit to the world!